


Selfish Desires

by loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS



Series: Plance Through The Years [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (they suck but i do love me some conflict), Alternative Perspective, F/M, Lance likes two girls, Love Triangles, Messy, No Resolution, Pining, allurance is dating, soft angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 19:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20588222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS/pseuds/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS
Summary: Was it wrong...?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i had a wee bit of free time today so i wrote this quick lil’ thang ^^   
“direct” continuation of Oh Quiznak (with the possibility of one more wedged in between), buuuuut this one _does_ standalone

LANCE

“Five minutes until your next shot, Lance!” Hunk called out from the kitchen as he and Keith set up the area again for whoever wanted to take a shot with Lance. “Don’t go too far!”

Lance trudged past the kitchenette and gave him a thumbs-up as he slowly dragged his gaze around the mess of bodies to seek out his current target. But to his displeasure, the more he looked, the more he realised Pidge wasn’t in the living room. And the more he realised Pidge wasn’t in the room, the more sullen he became which was the exact opposite mood he wanted to be in while getting drunk. Therefore, his only conclusion was that he needed to talk to Pidge to bring his mood back up.

He could have sworn he’d seen her chatting with Keith in the kitchen two seconds ago, but now she was gone. Poofed away as if she’d vanished into thin air.

Despite the jovial ambiance of his birthday party and the fun he was having with his friends, Lance was restless from wanting to talk to Pidge. His and Hunk’s apartment was full of Garrison graduates and other alien friends celebrating, but since Pidge had walked in with her date about an hour ago, Lance had only seen her each time he’d had to take one of his shots. But it didn’t count since the whole group gathered around him anyway, and after that, she would practically disappear. At most, he’d catch glimpses of the top of her head or the bottom half of her dress swishing away.

Plus… she hadn’t sought him out yet to even wish him a personal happy birthday so _that_ kind of stung.

They’d slowly been reconnecting since the fair, texting stupid things to each other just like old times, but whenever they talked face to face, they weren’t really clicking due in most part to Pidge being so aloof towards him. And even accidental touches on Lance’s part led to her almost jumping one hundred feet in the air. Lance was skittish around Pidge because he knew he might have a _maybe_ crush on her—she was on his mind _a lot_—but at least he was trying his best to make their reconciliation easier for both of them. He had no idea what was running through Pidge’s head.

Lance made a last ditch effort to check their bedroom in case she might be looking at Hunk’s current projects or something. And it proved the right choice, because he spotted Pidge creeping down the hallway past the bathroom.

“Pidge!” Lance’s mood lifted immediately as he headed over to her. “There you are!”

She whirled around with a sharp intake of breath and threw her arms behind her back, her eyes wide like she’d gotten caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Her reaction startled Lance too, and he was sure Pidge had hidden something behind her back, but the way she was staring up at him, like some deer caught in headlights, made him stay his inquiry.

“Dammit, Lance! Don’t just sneak up on me like that!”

Lance took a slight step back, his brows furrowing at her flustered response. “I— wasn’t really… What are you up to?”

Pidge being standoffish for no understandable reason wasn’t unusual for her, but she was clearly hiding something.

She opened her mouth and then closed it, her nose wrinkling a bit as she struggled to come up with something to say. “Can a girl piss without getting interrogated?”

As if to try to back her excuse—or escape, he groused—she tried the door handle of the bathroom, but thankfully it was locked.

There was laughter coming from the living room, and someone called out a four minute warning, but Lance hardly cared about his task when he had a tanking conversation to fix.

Pidge seemed really lost in thought, and maybe he was being paranoid or something, but it did bother him that she wasn’t paying attention to him right now. He’d hoped things would be spectacular between them, and they weren’t bad per se. But he had a feeling that whatever lingering issue had made Pidge avoid him all summer was still bothering her now. Two weeks had gone by since the fair. He’d been hoping that wouldn’t be the case anymore.

“I’m about to take shot number six out of twenty-one,” Lance said conversationally, though Pidge hardly reacted to his good humour, only showing signs that she’d even been listening in the first place when her gaze stopped flitting everywhere but his face. “I mean, what’s a twenty-first without getting shitfaced, right?”

She held her lower lip between her teeth, obviously trying to hold back a smile. “Lance, maybe try not to die on your birthday?”

“There are worse ways to go. Besides, it’s Fireball and I’m pacing myself!”

“Hn.” Pidge snorted noncommittally, staring at the ground as she shuffled some of the carpet fluff with the toe of her sock. She still hadn’t moved one arm from behind her back, and Lance wondered if he should ask about it. “I’ll remind you you said that when you wake up with the hangover from hell tomorrow. I’ve already got the ‘I told you so’ prepped.”

Lance chuckled. “I would expect nothing less from you to be honest.”

Pidge nodded, but didn’t otherwise respond.

Their conversation tapered off into an awkward silence. Lance felt stuck. Pidge was only passively responding to his comments, not even attempting to push the conversation forward. Actually, it kind of seemed like she was stalling in hopes whoever was in the bathroom would hurry up because she kept glancing at the door every few seconds.

“Hey, I know we said we’re… _okay_, but…” Lance brought up quietly. Pidge looked uncomfortable and Lance nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I just— I guess I want some reassurance because things are still weird and I… I mean, I thought we figured it out at the fair thing, but nothing has really changed and you’re acting super twitchy and suspicious around me and… look, I’m just trying to go back to how we used to be.”

…But was he really?

It dawned on Lance as soon as those words left his mouth that they weren’t entirely truthful. He hadn’t been seeking Pidge out all evening just because he wanted to be _friendly_. He knew, deep down, that he’d been hoping his party would be like the fair: an opportunity for him and Pidge to be joined at the hip.

(And if he was really honest with himself, he’d admit that he was hoping she’d give him a birthday kiss on his cheek or something).

“I want my gremlin best friend back…” he finished softly.

“It’s not that… Lance, I think…” Pidge let out a long breath, practically gnawing her lower lip bloody with the way she was chewing on it. “Okay, fuck it…”

He frowned, puzzled when she took her hand out from behind her back and revealed what she’d been hiding. It was a CD case with a purple CD in it, and he noted her cheeks were rouging as she held it out to him.

“What’s this?” Lance muttered slowly as he took it.

There was no writing on the disk, and he turned it upside down to get a look at the back of the case but there was nothing there either.

“Your birthday present. I know you’re trying to open gifts at midnight when you’ve done all the shots but…” Pidge lifted her gaze and Lance’s heart thumped hard at the soft glimmer in her eyes. His own cheeks started to heat. “I— I wanted to, uh, I was going to leave it in your room because umm... whatever. That’s not important.”

He wasn’t sure why he was holding his breath.

“What’d you get me?”

“Well, when you were vacationing in Cuba at the beginning of summer, you mentioned once that you missed playing all the vintage games your oldest brother had before he gave them away. There are probably a shit ton of bugs and glitches and the coding is crude, but I found parts of the general coding and layers for like three of those old games and tried to program the rest on this disk so you can play them whenever.” Pidge rubbed her arm with a small smile and that was when Lance finally noted her ashen complexion from fatigue and the bags under her eyes and her weary disposition. “I started working on this back in May and dropped it for a while, and I got literally zero sleep trying to finish it in the past two weeks. I would have put more games, but you know… ran out of time.”

Lance was completely speechless. He couldn’t do much more than stare at her in utter shock.

She’d gone through all this trouble just for him?

“You… you did all this work,” he muttered stupidly, though his pulse picked up.

“It wasn’t too bad.” Pidge shrugged with one shoulder, though her face was red and she kept trying to wring her hands in her dress. “Well, it _was_ bad and my desktop crashed like forty times trying to process it all, but I wanted to make it up to you for not hanging out pretty much all summer.”

“I don’t— I don’t know what to say…” The fact that she’d done all this just for him meant so much to him in a way he couldn’t even describe. “This is the best gift I could ever ask for.”

She gave him a sweet smile, one he’d never really seen on her face before. And there was no way he could deny the way his heart gave a startled thump.

“Happy birthday, Lance.”

Lance’s heart was going double time to the point he thought it would fly out of his chest when he moved forward to wrap Pidge in a hug. She stepped into his arms, squeezing him around the waist and burrowing her face in his chest. And Lance couldn’t help his elation that she didn’t recoil from his touch for once. Everything felt right again.

He lingered as he pulled back, still not quite letting her go and meeting Pidge’s gaze as she blinked up at him. He really didn’t know what to say to thank her. She’d gone above and beyond for him and she didn’t even have to.

“Katie. Thank you,” he said seriously. “This means the world to me.”

Pidge smiled bashfully, her cheeks a rosy red, her eyes still shimmering in that way that made it hard for Lance to tear his gaze from her.

(That made him want to lean down and…)

The bathroom door swung open and Allura stepped out, though she froze in place when they turned to look at her. All three of them stared at each other in stunned silence for a second before Pidge took a huge step back and pulled away sharply as if he’d burned her. Lance swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair, grimacing from the wave of guilt and readying some kind of excuse—though for what, he wasn’t sure.

“Oh, Lance, Pidge!” Allura remarked cheerfully as she flicked off the light of the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She looked between the two of them pensively. “Were you waiting to use the lavatory?”

“Uh, no…” Pidge’s eyes were glued to the ground and she took another step back. “Just wanted to give Lance his gift before I head out soon.”

That was news to him.

“Wait, what?” Lance frowned, turning to face Pidge directly, but she kept her eyes staunchly off of him. “You’re _leaving_? The sun just went down! We’re all planning to party all night.”

“Just for an hour or two. My dad is hosting a huge dinner at our place with Garrison commanders and I kind of need to be there for networking.” She smiled at them, something small and wan and absolutely fake. “I’ll be back by nine-ish.”

His shoulders slumped. Somehow, Lance just _knew_ he’d gone backwards about ten steps with Pidge. He could practically see all the pieces of her guard come back up into place, and it didn’t help that she was not so subtly shifting further away from him.

“Oh. I’ll see you then, I guess…” he grumbled.

Lance tried to contain the disappointment in his tone, but he couldn’t. Nevermind the fact that Pidge leaving kind of made him lose some enthusiasm about the party. She’d gotten him the perfect gift and now she was leaving just like that? He’d wanted to test out her gift tonight, and it would have been perfect if she was there too.

“We’ll make sure to save some cake for you,” Allura said, though when Pidge nodded, she wasn’t quite meeting Allura’s gaze. “Come back quickly, okay?”

“I promise I’ll even risk my mom’s possible wrath to take one shot in your honour when I get back.” Pidge turned around stiffly. “See you guys later.”

Lance watched as Pidge practically ran away from them, and he had to fight his defeated sigh. Despite her assurances weeks ago, he knew now they weren’t right. Lance was beginning to think Pidge was getting fed up with their friendship or something because she sure as hell was acting like that.

Hunk’s voice drifted through the apartment to call out the one minute countdown mark and then a chorus of people chanting Lance’s name filled the apartment.

“Duty calls…” Allura said, glancing up at him curiously. “Or… you could tell Pidge you would like her to stay?”

“…Nah. If she wants to leave, then it’s none of my business,” he muttered, staring down at the CD in the case.

Lance just didn’t understand how Pidge could give him something so beautiful as a gift and in the same breath hurt him with no remorse. It was never easy being Pidge’s friend but now he was starting to believe she was purposely making it as hard as possible. Maybe he was being overdramatic, but he couldn’t help it. He _liked_ Pidge a little more than as a friend, so everything she did to him held weight.

His mood sufficiently soured, Lance walked to his room door and tossed the game inside on his bed. He headed back to Allura and cocked his head towards the noisy party.

“C’mon, let’s go back to the party. Gotta take my shot.”

As he and Allura left the hallway, Pidge’s laughter floated in his ear. He turned towards the foyer, and right by the shoe-rack, Pidge was standing close with her date and tugging on his shoulders for him to squat to her level and they were both grinning at each other and the stupid Adonis fuck started to lean in close and that was all Lance could stomach before he turned away abruptly, his heart lurching in his chest. Lance felt sick to his stomach, and the alcohol churned unpleasantly, threatening upheaval.

“Pidge seems quite happy with him,” Allura remarked curiously, and Lance finally brought his attention to his girlfriend. “I would not be surprised if he became her boyfriend. They’re quite cute together.”

“Yeah… I guess they are,” he muttered with a tight smile, though his admittance made his stomach churn again.

The guilt returned. Allura had spent the evening supporting him infallibly and despite her confusion over several of their customs on Earth and the games they’d been playing throughout the night and all the drinking, she’d done nothing but smile and try out the new experiences. And yet, he’d been preoccupied with Pidge all night, waiting impatiently for her to arrive and then seeking her out once she did and all but ignoring Allura in favour of a girl who he wasn’t even dating.

“Lance!” Keith called out impatiently from the kitchen. “Would you come take your damn shot already? Fifteen minutes are up!”

Enough was enough.

Lance took a deep breath and forced his mind to switch gears. He turned to Allura with the most charming smile he could muster and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to curl her into him. Though she looked a little confused, she shifted closer to him.

“He’s right, you know.” Lance pointed out, acting like some sort of reverent, wise sage. “Gotta go get wildly stinking shitfaced.”

“Lance,” Allura’s lips pulled up in a fondly exasperated smile. “I don’t know the meaning of that word.”

“Shitfaced, my dear beautiful girlfriend,” Lance said in a flirtatious voice as he cuffed her chin, “is when you drink so much booze that your brain melts out of your ears and you lose your clothes and don’t even know how or when it happened. Then you wake up in the morning with your head in a toilet and a dick drawn on your face in permanent marker.”

Allura frowned, clearly appalled by the thought, and it was amusing. “That— that sounds absolutely _dreadful_.”

Lance laughed and leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead. He had amends to make, especially for the way he’d treated her at the party so far. He needed to be a better boyfriend to Allura. Dumb crush on Pidge or not, that was no reason to prioritise her over his actual girlfriend.

“C’mon. You’re trying a shot of Fireball too,” Lance declared as he led her to the kitchen to cheers from the crowd gathered around the island to watch him chug down his next drink.

Seriously.

Lance had a perfect, doting, amazing girlfriend. He really needed to stop pining over a stupid crush he shouldn’t even have in the first place. Pidge had a guy who she was clearly smitten with. And it wasn’t Lance. Keith was right. He needed to figure this out—kill this crush—before he hurt Allura.

But…

Was it wrong of him to wonder what it would be like, just once, to truly hold Pidge in his arms?

To stroke her cheeks and kiss her breathless?


	2. Chapter 2

PIDGE

“Not drinking, Keith?” Pidge asked, absentmindedly sipping her pop as she kept an eye on Lance’s head near the TV while he conversed with one of his old friends from the cargo pilot programme.

Keith raised a brow as he eyed the numerous bottles of half-drunk liquors beside Pidge’s thigh. “My mom told me alcohol on Earth wouldn’t function well with my physiology. Not sure what she means, but she looked traumatised so… not itching to find out.”

She snorted and clinked her soda bottle with Keith’s. “Guess we’re both doing everything sober, huh?”

“Eh. At least it’ll be fun to watch when people start getting sloppy.” Keith pulled out a permanent marker from his back pocket with a devious smirk. “And you know, prank Lance.”

“Keith, you genius.”

Aside from the two of them, there was not a single person going dry tonight. Well, except maybe Allura, but that was purely circumstantial. Allura had definitely tried some tequila, but the princess had said it tasted like watered down Nunvill, so Pidge didn’t expect her to feel the effects at all.

“Meant to ask you earlier,” he said, pointing the rim of his bottle towards her lap, “but what’s with the CD?”

Pidge glanced down at the case at a loss for words. It was supposed to be Lance’s gift, but she didn’t want to tell anyone about it.

She was saved from responding when Hunk walked into the small kitchenette with a huge grin. “Fifteen minutes are almost up. Almost time for Lance to take his shot!”

Pidge glanced back towards the TV and she almost had a mini freak-out when she couldn’t find Lance’s head at first. When she did find him, he was heading towards the kitchen, and without a second thought, she hopped off the counter to take off. She grabbed the CD case and quickly started to sneak out of the area before Lance could see her.

“Where are you going?” Hunk asked, bending down to pick up one of the plastic cups she’d knocked off. “Lance is about to take his shot.”

“Uhh… bathroom! I’ll be back in a bit.”

It wasn’t like she was purposely avoiding him or anything. (Lies). Ever since the fair, she’d made a pact with herself to make a better effort not to make Lance feel like there was an issue between them. But he was always _too_ sweet to her and acted like he valued her company more than anyone else’s sometimes and every time they talked in person, it reminded her yet again about her stupid heartache over Allura and Lance’s relationship in the first place. Matt hadn’t been kidding about it being dreadfully difficult getting over someone she was crushing hard on when she saw him every single day.

And that was why she was trying to keep at least a little distance. And no matter what, she always avoided any physical touch with him if she could. The times she couldn’t avoid it, it always felt like a hundred volts shot straight into her body.

It would be too easy for Lance to see her if she headed towards the living room, so her safest bet was their room. And while she was at it, she _could_ quickly drop his present off in there, though that did make her slightly hesitant.

Pidge glanced down uncertainly at the CD case she had in her hands.

She still wasn’t even sure if she wanted to give him the gift. She’d done way too much just to gift him some of the difficult-to-find games from his childhood based on a random comment he’d even said offhand.

It was ridiculous.

This wasn’t the kind of effort a platonic friend would make for another platonic friend’s gift. She was sure he’d figure out her feelings for him if she gave it to him. Maybe it would be best if he never found out it was her at all. Pidge licked her thumb and wiped off the happy birthday message with her name from the lid of the CD case.

Distantly, she heard Hunk call out a five minute warning and figured now would be as good a time as any to drop it off.

She hadn’t even passed the bathroom when Lance’s voice behind her stilled her before she could reach his room.

“Pidge! There you are!”

Pidge’s breath hitched as she spun around wide eyed, not having expected him to show up. Hadn’t he been going to the damn kitchen? What was he doing in the hallway?!

She hid her gift behind her back and tried to keep her expression neutral as he approached, but from the suspicious look in his hazy gaze, she got the impression she was failing miserably.

“Dammit, Lance! Don’t just sneak up on me like that!” she tried to joke, but Lance’s brows furrowed as he assessed her.

“I— wasn’t really…” he responded slowly. “What are you up to?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it, scrunching her nose irately as she struggled to come up with an excuse. “Can a girl piss without getting interrogated?”

Pidge tested the knob of the bathroom, praying that it could be open so she could run in, hide in there long enough for Lance’s shot to be taken, and then finish her plan while he was otherwise occupied. But to her disappointment, it was locked.

_Fuck_. _Now what…_

Her mind was racing to come up with a solution to this confrontation, but she wasn’t able to come up with anything decent to get out of talking to Lance.

There was laughter coming from the living room, and someone called out a four minute warning, but Lance hardly reacted to it. He kept his gaze staunchly on her, an oddly triumphant and determined gleam growing in his eyes. He looked like he’d be on the way to getting tipsy soon, but even so he didn’t seem unfocused at all. And that was a bad thing.

“I’m about to take shot number six out of twenty-one,” Lance said with a smile, and Pidge tried to make an effort to meet his eyes, hard as it was. “I mean, what’s a twenty-first without getting shitfaced, right?”

Why was he always so ridiculous? He’d told her he would do that by text, but she hadn’t believed him at the time.

She had to hold her lower lip between her teeth to try to hold back a smile. “Lance, maybe try not to die on your birthday?”

“There are worse ways to go. Besides, it’s _Fireball_ and I’m pacing myself!” he retorted indignantly.

“Hn.” Pidge scoffed, toeing some loose fluff she’d been eyeing on the carpet. “I’ll remind you you said that when you wake up with the hangover from hell tomorrow. I’ve already got the ‘I told you so’ prepped.”

Lance chuckled. “I would expect nothing less from you to be honest.”

Pidge nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

Their conversation tapered off into an awkward silence, and she chewed on the inside of her cheek, resisting the urge to get sucked into easy banter. The sooner he got the gist that she wasn’t in a really talkative mood, the sooner he’d go back to join the others.

She glanced at the door in irritation.

_God… can this person hurry up in there?_

“Hey, I know we said we’re… _okay_, but…” Lance muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck. Pidge looked up, sensing a shift in Lance’s mood, and sure enough, he looked disheartened. “I just— I guess I want some reassurance because things are still weird and I… I mean, I thought we figured it out at the fair thing, but nothing has really changed and you’re acting super twitchy and suspicious around me and… look, I’m just trying to go back to how we used to be.”

She didn’t know what to say.

Pidge knew Lance had been making an effort, and she’d tried her hardest to reconnect in the past weeks too. They’d been texting each other random shit just like old times, but it still upset her being around him, and she’d been having a lot of trouble talking to him face-to-face. It sucked a lot, especially since she and Lance always had the strangest, stupidest, or most hilarious conversations with each other (sometimes all three at once). It would be easy to jump back into the way their friendship worked best, but she was so scared it’d make the pain worse. She already couldn’t really look at his face.

How much worse would it get if she invited him fully into her life again?

His lips twisted into a wry, hurt smile. “I want my gremlin best friend back…”

The pain in his voice made her feel like crap, and despite her best efforts to act like she was indifferent, she couldn’t. It was _always_ the damn puppy dog eyes that got her. Pidge let out a long suffering sigh, practically gnawing her lower lip bloody with how she was chewing on it.

“It’s not that…” _Easy_. “Lance, I think… okay, fuck it…”

Pidge could let her guard down for his birthday at least. Even if she wasn’t over it, just for today, she could be his proper gremlin friend. She tried and failed to fight her blush as she took Lance’s gift out from behind her back and held it out to him.

Lance frowned in confusion as he took the CD case and inspected it. “What’s this?”

“Your birthday present. I know you’re trying to open gifts at midnight when you’ve done all the shots but…” Pidge finally lifted her gaze to his hopeful one and was surprised to find him blushing. It made her feel flustered. “I— I wanted to, uh, I was going to leave it in your room because umm... whatever. That’s not important.”

“What’d you get me?” he pressed softly.

_Here goes nothing, I guess…_

Pidge rubbed her arm, though she managed to properly smile through her nerves.

“Well, when you were vacationing in Cuba at the beginning of summer, you mentioned once that you missed playing all the vintage games your oldest brother had before he gave them away. There are probably a shit ton of bugs and glitches and the coding is crude, but I found parts of the general coding and layers for like three of those old games and tried to program the rest on this disk so you can play them whenever.”

Lance wasn’t saying anything. Just staring at her with his expression growing readily more shocked with each second that passed. And it made her nervous. Were her feelings transparent or something?

“I started working on this back in May and dropped it for a while, and I got literally zero sleep trying to finish it in the past two weeks. I would have put more games, but you know… ran out of time.”

“You… you did all this work,” Lance choked out.

“It wasn’t too bad.” Pidge shrugged, though her face felt like it was on fire. She wanted to wring her hands in the hem of her shirt to occupy herself with _something_ while he kept staring at her like that, but at the last second, remembered she’d worn a dress. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest she wondered if he could hear it. “Well, it _was_ bad and my desktop crashed like forty times trying to process it all, but I wanted to make it up to you for not hanging out pretty much all summer.”

“I don’t— I don’t know what to say…” He let out a breathless laugh, looking at the gift like it was something he’d cherish forever. “This is the best gift I could ever ask for.”

It made her happy to see him so happy.

“Happy birthday, Lance,” she murmured.

And maybe at that point she should have walked away and excused herself, but when Lance shifted forward and lifted his arms to give her a hug, she couldn’t just turn him away. She stepped into his waiting arms, squeezing him around the middle and burrowing her face in his chest. They’d hugged in the past, during paladin days, but not since they’d returned to Earth. And she hadn’t realised how much she’d missed this. Everything felt right again.

Lance pulled back a bit, their gazes locking as she looked up at him. Her pulse was racing. She was taken aback by the affectionate way he was looking at her. An affection that she’d always hoped to see in his eyes towards her one day.

“Katie. Thank you,” Lance said, his voice lowering as he searched her eyes. “This means the world to me.”

Pidge smiled, suddenly feeling shy and flushing from the intensity of his gaze. There was something wholly mesmerising about it, making it difficult for her to think about anything else than how much she liked being in Lance’s arms surrounded by his scent.

_Push him away, Pidge…_

But she didn’t want to.

And she kind of wanted him to kiss her.

The bathroom door swung open and Allura stepped out, though she froze in place when they turned to look at her. Pidge was mortified. She pulled away from Lance immediately, disgusted in herself for revelling in an embrace from him, hoping for something to happen between them even though she damn well knew he was in a committed relationship with someone important to her.

_What the hell am I doing?_

“Oh, Lance, Pidge!” Allura remarked as she flicked off the light of the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She looked between the two of them pensively as she stood beside Lance. “Were you waiting to use the lavatory?”

How could Pidge let herself forget that _this_ was why she was avoiding him? She’d tried, but she was convinced now that being around Lance was a bad idea. God, she was so stupid. She had to get out of there.

“Uh, no…” She felt a little panicked. Pidge stared at the ground, taking another step back so she wasn’t as close to Lance. She couldn’t even look either of them in the eye. “Just wanted to give Lance his gift before I head out soon.”

“Wait, what?” Lance sounded aghast, but Pidge didn’t dare look up. “You’re leaving? The sun just went down. We’re all planning to party all night!”

“Just for an hour or two.” She lied, looking up for a split second to give them a reassuring smile, though from the way it felt on her face, she just knew it was more of a grimace. “My dad is hosting a huge dinner at our place with Garrison commanders and I kind of need to be there for networking. I’ll be back by nine-ish.”

She wouldn’t be coming back, but she knew if she told him the truth, he’d argue with her. Better to just leave and apologise by text later on. She knew it would hurt him, but maybe that was exactly what needed to happen for them to drift apart some more.

Or at least until she’d gotten over her feelings.

“Oh,” Lance groused, sounding completely dejected. She couldn’t contain her wince. “I’ll see you then, I guess…”

“We’ll make sure to save some cake for you,” Allura offered kindly, and Pidge instantly felt worse. “Come back quickly, okay?”

How could Pidge even meet Allura’s gaze when she had definitely crossed a line with Lance?

“I promise I’ll even risk my mom’s possible wrath to take one shot in your honour when I get back,” Pidge added flippantly as she turned around to escape. “See you guys later.”

She hightailed it out of the hallway, searching in the living room for Ivok’s ginger hair and feeling relieved when he was right by the foyer chatting with a Garrison cadet. With all the people chanting Lance’s name to countdown the minute until his next shot, it wouldn’t be hard for her to sneak out unnoticed since their attentions would be elsewhere.

“Hey, ‘Vok.” She tugged on his arm and he excused himself from his conversation to let her guide him to the foyer to get her shoes. “Let’s get out of here and go on a date or something. You’re probably not having much fun, right?”

She felt a little bad using him, but the whole reason she was dating him in the first place was because she wanted to think less about Lance. She’d never really taken the time to work on this little thing because deep down she’d always hoped maybe Lance might like her back or something, but maybe it was about time she tried harder. Ivok would make a great boyfriend, he was cute, and he made her feel all giggly whenever he acted like a gentleman.

So why not?

He ducked his head sheepishly. “It’s not bad. I’m just not understanding how Terrans can go from being levelheaded to tripping on their own feet with only one drink.”

He looked and sounded so genuinely confused Pidge couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay.” Pidge tugged on his shoulders so she could use him to hold her balance as she slipped on her shoes. He squatted a bit and leaned forward as she got her sneakers on. “You get to pick the date spot.”

“You feel like exploring another planet for a couple varga?” he asked, straightening up and holding his hand out to her. “It’s more of a soft undercover recon mission kind of thing, but…”

“Lance!” Keith suddenly yelled from the kitchen. “Would you come take your damn shot already? Fifteen minutes are up!”

Pidge almost winced at the name, but played it off like some kind of shiver when Ivok tilted his head inquisitively. Against her better judgement, she glanced over her shoulder. Lance’s back was mostly to her, his arm slung around Allura. She was grinning cutely up at him while Lance cuffed her chin playfully. Then he laughed and leaned down, and Pidge quickly turned away from the sight, her heart stuck in her throat, reminded yet again of the heartache of the first time she’d heard Lance had decided to pursue a relationship with Allura.

Forcefully ignoring the tightness in her chest, Pidge took Ivok’s outstretched hand with a grin. “Hell yeah. Let’s go.”

Lance and Allura were happy. And Pidge wasn’t about to become a horrible friend who tried to get in the way of that. Why did she keep putting herself through this crap? Why waste her time pining after a guy she could never be with? She had her own perfectly good budding relationship to nurture.

But…

Was it wrong of her to wish that _she_ was happily cuddled up with Lance?

That he could love her instead?


	3. Chapter 3

BONUS: ALLURA

“Any luck on the inspection of the nebulae?”

_“Well,”_ Shiro scrubbed at his scruff, though his brows were furrowed in displeasure as he turned his camera phone back around so it was facing him, _“the team we sent out didn’t exactly find an active Altean colony, but I can say with certainty that a colony had been established there. Sam and I are looking into contacting different lifeforms in the area to figure out how to uncover the trajectory of possible relocation. But it’s not easy when we have no easy way to detect Alteans…”_

Allura lightly touched her face. “I just know they’re out there… It’s not just a hunch. I can feel them in my heart.”

_“And you know I believe you. But the way we’re going about this search isn’t fruitful. Having you pick out spots on a map from Earth isn’t an effective use of your capabilities. I’m thinking… it would be better if sometime in the future, **we** made the expedition ourselves.”_

“Going back into space?”

Allura’s brows rose at the suggestion. She’d never really thought about that before. With all the work they were doing at the Garrison, would it really be alright for them to leave?

_“Yeah.”_ Shiro gave her an apologetic smile as he scrubbed a hand through his tousled hair. _“Anyway, I’m just tossing out a possible idea for the future. Don’t worry about it right now. How’s the party? I’m concerned since you called in the middle of it and you seem to be hiding out in a bathroom?”_

“I’m not hiding,” she said primly, a little bit annoyed because he was right.

_“So what’s going on?”_

“I’m just not quite understanding the Terran customs of this whole endeavour of a twenty-first birthday. It’s such an odd age to celebrate.” Allura sighed as she leaned back against the wall. “The explanations are severely lacking. All I understand is that this alcohol thing they are consuming makes them lose their minds. Lance is slowly getting worse, but it is being celebrated?”

_“I figured this would be the case.”_ Shiro laughed over the screen. _“Okay. Just hang in there for another hour until I get done with the debriefing report. My partying days are well behind me, but I’ll hop back in the scene to keep you company.”_

“Please and thank you, Shiro.”

_“No problem.”_ He leaned back in his desk chair and yawned. _“Are you having fun though? It’s your first rager on Earth.”_

She pondered the question. “Well…”

_Was_ she having fun?

It wasn’t like Allura was hiding to avoid the merrymaking around her. She’d just needed a small break from everything. She’d made an effort to understand all of Lance’s excitement and every little game and activity that was going on, but the longer the party went on, the more frustrated she became with the mindlessness of the whole ordeal. And the more frustrated she became, the less fun she was having.

Allura was always willing to give new experiences on Earth a try, but no matter how much she participated, this kind of activity was not in her realm of interests. When Lance had informed her he’d be hosting a party at his and Hunk’s flat for his birthday celebration, Allura had assumed it would be a small get-together or dinner party with a close-knit group. This was a wild mess of people everywhere making so much noise she wondered how it was possible every neighbour hadn’t banged on his door with complaints by now.

And it didn’t help that Lance was very distracted, preoccupied with something he seemed to be searching for all night, but when she’d offered to help him look, he denied having been looking for anything in the first place. Far too quickly, and almost like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. Maybe it was an effect of the liquor everyone was drinking, but it was terribly frustrating which was exactly why she’d sought solace in this room to contact Shiro for updates.

Allura could admit to herself with certainty that she would much rather be with Shiro, Sam, and Coran at the Garrison headquarters charting the possible location of her fellow remaining Alteans than at Lance’s celebration. Her attentions were largely on the expedition currently going on in space.

But… she was his girlfriend. Showing him support on his day of birth was expected.

“At the very least, I’m not aggravated. It’s rather crass, but I suppose it could be a learning experience,” she mused, though her train of thought was broken when she heard a muted laugh through the door. The person who’d jiggled the door handle when she’d first called Shiro still seemed to be there now. Allura wanted to have a little more time to herself, but she supposed they’d probably been waiting a while. “I believe someone is trying to use this room. I’ll have to go now.”

_“Hang in there, Allura,”_ Shiro said empathetically enough, though the quirk of his lips made it clear he found her confusion with the events more amusing than anything else.

She bid him farewell and then turned to wash her hands once again so she could allow the next person to use the facility. Allura would give it another varga or so, but if she truly felt uncomfortable at that point, she would ask Lance if he would be fine with her leaving with Shiro. With a final sigh, Allura cut the faucet off, wiped her hands on the hand towel on the ring, and opened the door.

She’d expected there to be someone waiting, but she _hadn’t_ expected to find Lance and Pidge partially wrapped up in a hug. Though there was nothing particularly untoward occurring, it didn’t change the fact it was kind of a surprise. Allura froze as they turned to look at her, a guilty look painted on both their faces.

She wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it or not, but Allura thought she’d seen Lance leaning in towards Pidge. There’d been something about the look in Pidge’s eyes—fond and affectionate in a way she’d never seen from her before—that gave Allura pause. And Lance seemed to have dropped all pretences of goofiness and abandoned all flirtatious gimmicks. The way he’d been looking at Pidge had been much more sincere than any expression he usually carried and above that, it was _intimate_.

If she didn’t know them, walking into this sight, she’d assume they were… well… _in love_.

An unpleasant feeling roiled in her stomach before she could talk herself out of her reaction.

In the silence of the awkward moment, Pidge pulled away from Lance sharply, her face practically green with disgust. She looked horrified and Lance looked like he was struggling to speak (or even gather his thoughts for that matter), and Allura knew this situation would continue to devolve if she didn’t find some way to alleviate the tension.

“Oh, Lance, Pidge!” Allura remarked with as much cheer as she could as she flicked off the light and closed the door behind her. “Were you waiting to use the lavatory?”

“Uh, no…” Pidge said quietly, her voice no higher than a whisper. Pidge’s gaze dropped to the ground, her face completely flushed as she took another step back. “Just wanted to give Lance his gift before I head out soon.”

“Wait, what?” Lance was upset, but Pidge didn’t so much as react to his alarm. “You’re leaving? The sun just went down. We’re all planning to party all night!”

“Just for an hour or two.” Pidge’s brief smile looked forced, and Allura wondered if she was even telling the truth in the first place. Her troubled emotions were showing in her eyes. “My dad is hosting a huge dinner at our place with Garrison commanders and I kind of need to be there for networking. I’ll be back by nine-ish.”

“Oh,” Lance said, sounding completely dejected, as if her decision had killed his good mood. “I’ll see you then, I guess…”

“We’ll make sure to save some cake for you,” Allura offered Pidge, hoping it might help both their darkening moods, but Lance’s distraught vibes seemed to grow worse. And Pidge’s shifty behaviour remained. “Come back quickly, okay?”

“I promise I’ll even risk my mom’s possible wrath to take one shot in your honour when I get back.” Pidge muttered, turning around with a slight grimace, and this time, Allura was certain Pidge was lying. Her words sounded far too insincere. “See you guys later.”

She scurried out of the hallway like she needed to be anywhere but near them. But Allura was more concerned with Lance. His gaze had not left Pidge once, not since Allura had stepped out and joined them. And especially not now as Pidge was walking away.

Hunk’s voice drifted around as he announced the one minute countdown mark and then a chorus of people chanting Lance’s name filled the air.

“Duty calls…” Allura said in a measured tone, eyeing Lance to gauge his reaction. “Or… you could tell Pidge you would like her to stay?”

“…Nah. If she wants to leave, then it’s none of my business,” Lance grumbled dismissively as he stared at the casing he had in his hands. He walked to his open room and carelessly tossed it inside on his bed before cocking his head towards the noisy party. “C’mon, let’s go back to the party. Gotta take my shot.”

He was very obviously going to remain upset if Pidge wasn’t at the party though. Allura wanted to ask Lance what she’d walked into because it was just _odd_. They’d clearly been having a private conversation, and it might be inappropriate to ask him, but anyone would be curious if they’d walked into such a sight.

As she and Lance left the hallway, Pidge’s laughter floated to them. She was putting on her shoes by the door and using Ivok to hold her balance. They were standing quite closely, seemingly about to kiss, and though nothing happened it wasn’t lost on Allura that Lance, who had been glowering at them intensely, turned away quickly, looking irritated and a definite pain in his gaze.

“Pidge seems quite happy with him,” Allura said slowly, suspicious of his reaction. “I would not be surprised if he became her boyfriend. They’re quite cute together.”

“Yeah… I guess they are.”

Lance turned to face Allura, and though he was smiling, it was forced, and the defeated look in his eyes gave his true feelings on the matter away. He really did look hurt, much like the way he’d been behaving after the fair a while back. It was becoming quite clear to Allura that Pidge was a sore subject for Lance, and she was beginning to think it wasn’t just because of issues in their friendship anymore.

“Lance!” Keith suddenly barked from the kitchen. “Would you come take your damn shot already? Fifteen minutes are up!”

Lance took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

As if a switch flipped in his mind, his demeanour changed entirely from upset to that familiar flirtatiousness. He wrapped an arm around Allura’s shoulders to and tugged her into his side with a goofy grin. It was unexpected, but she shifted closer to him with a quizzical look. And when she did, out of the corner of her eye, she caught Pidge turning to look over her shoulder in their direction.

Lance’s voice brought her attention back to him.

“He’s right, you know. Gotta go get wildly stinking shitfaced.”

Allura blinked, having lost track of the conversation, but she smiled, though she felt somewhat exasperated by the rollercoaster of his recent emotions. “Lance, I don’t know the meaning of that word.”

“Shitfaced, my dear beautiful girlfriend,” Lance said in a playful voice as he cuffed her chin. “Is when you drink so much booze that your brain melts out of your ears and you lose your clothes and don’t even know how or when it happened. Then you wake up in the morning with your head in a toilet and a dick drawn on your face in permanent marker.”

Allura’s nose wrinkled in utter disgust. “That— that sounds absolutely _dreadful_.”

Lance laughed and then leaned down and dropped a kiss on her forehead. From her peripheral, Allura watched Pidge spin away from them, her dejection palpable and a decided slump to her shoulders. Allura didn’t think Lance could see Pidge from his angle, but she couldn’t help but wonder how he would react if he’d noticed.

“C’mon. You’re trying a shot of Fireball,” Lance declared, momentarily distracting her as he led her to the kitchen, though she really didn’t think eating a ball of fire was a safe game to play.

When Allura glanced back to Pidge, she’d already left. And something about witnessing the both of them turning back to look at each other made Allura feel yet again like she was an unwitting third-party who’d intruded in something highly private between the two of them. Allura suspected Lance didn’t quite understand his feelings towards Pidge. From what she was seeing, he was acting like he was jealous. And she wondered if Pidge might have feelings for Lance too.

She sighed, shaking her head and trying to will her thoughts from her mind.

Lance had proven time and time again that she could trust him. Maybe there had been something questionable about the way they’d been looking at each other, but Lance and Pidge were very close friends. It was her understanding that they’d recently reconciled their friendship too. Allura wanted to disregard this whole thing as a soft moment between two old friends.

But…

Was it wrong of her to want to test her boyfriend’s loyalty now?

To figure out where the extent of his feelings for Pidge lied?


End file.
